


Snakes on a Tower

by EmilyByrdStarr



Series: Let's have some new clichés [2]
Category: Tasertricks - Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Drunkeness, F/M, Loki's Mischief, Snakes, alcohol using, darcy's abilities to distract people, fosterson, loki's insecurities, sirius is here, tarsertricks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 19:54:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7120195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmilyByrdStarr/pseuds/EmilyByrdStarr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Avengers get drunk,  a war starts,  Darcy Lewis tries to avoid it but it is impossible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Snakes on a Tower

**Author's Note:**

> I work on this stuff so my writer's block finally leaves me. As you can see, I am still obsessed with tasertricks. Pls don't let the fandom die (?). There's alcohol use here, so if you feel uncomfortable with it you probably shouldn't read this.  
> Also, I have never visited New York before, so all the info about its places are from the good old google.   
> As a final warning: THIS IS NOT BETA'D AND I AM NOT A NATIVE ENGLISH SPEAKER.   
> Any mistakes, weirdness and bad punctuation are actually mine. Probably the snakes are too. But the characters are not. They belong to Marvel and I am suffering for them.   
>  PS: Reviews are love :D

**_Disclaimer: everything belongs to Marvel._ **

* * *

 

_Though I may speak some tongue of old_   
_Or even spit out some holy word_   
_I have no strength with which to speak_   
_When you sit me down and see I’m weak_   
  
_We will run and scream_   
_You will dance with me_   
_We’ll fulfill our dreams and we’ll be free_

__So I had done wrong but you put me right  
My judgement burned in the black of night   
When I give less than I take  
It is my fault my own mistake

_ \- Learn me right, Mumford & Sons _

* * *

 

“I have never hidden Cap’s shield just to spite him” slurred Tony, already knowing what followed.

Darcy, Loki, Clint and, surprisingly, Jane downed their drinks. Steve glared behind his glass of water. 

Okay, it had started as a normal night. As normal as a Saturday night with the Avengers could possibly be. Drinks, darts, cards, Sirius -the dog was now included in every single group activity that wasn’t fighting bad guys- and enough food to feed an army. The only one missing was Thor, who had spent the day visiting Asgard. 

“I knew it! I knew it was you!” Steve shook her head and took a sip of his beer. 

“Perhaps it wouldn’t happen if you left it in its place and not forgotten all around the Tower?” Suggested Natasha, carefully refilling the glasses with wine. Another round started.

“I have never flashed someone” said Jane, mischievous glint in her eyes.

When Darcy downed her drink again, followed swiftly by Natasha and Tony, Loki furrowed his brow.

“Flash someone?” He asked, puzzled.

Darcy laughed with the kind of abandon only alcohol could provide.

“It’s when you briefly show your... attributes to someone for the briefest period of time possible” her cheeks were flushed and her eyes bright with amusement. 

“Have you shown your...attributes to someone I know?” Loki questioned as calmly as he could. Tony snickered.

“When you have to save a lab…”

“What?” Loki turned his head sharply towards Darcy, who was glaring at Tony. 

Suddenly, a beam of light hit the balcony and Thor strode into the room, smiling impishly and carrying a big wooden box. 

“Good night, my friends! Heimdall told me you were having a merry gathering, and I decided to join you with some new drinks! But bear in mind, they are from Asgard. Stronger than anything you have here! And not made for regular humans. Not even for you, my love.” 

He then opened the box and started taking out bottles and more bottles of different colours. Everyone was looking kinda impressed, with the exception of Loki. Thor’s brother just raised an eyebrow.

“The Allfather gave you permission to do this?” He asked pointedly.

At that, Thor winked.

“I don’t think he knows, brother.”

“Very well then. Hand me that ale.” Loki asked, reaching out for it. 

An hour later, Loki, Thor and even Steve were almost as inebriated as the rest of the Avengers.

“This is the actual good stuff!” Steve seemed so happy to be drunk, it was almost endearing.

Loki leaned against Darcy, almost burying his face in her neck, and she gave a surprised squeal. 

“Hmmm...you smell so good…” He said, nuzzling her shoulder. Darcy giggled and kissed his temple.

“You are soooo wasted!” Her arms wrapped around his shoulders and squeezed. 

“Absolutely not” he countered, just because he enjoyed being a little shit.

“IF LOKI IS DRUNK THEN YOU SHALL KNOW WHY HE IS CALLED THE GOD OF MISCHIEF!” Bellowed Thor, a flustered Jane on his lap. Tony snickered.

“Watch it there, Beowulf. Your brother has been behaving lately.” Said Tony. 

“Bet it has something to do with a curvy brunette, uh?” Clint threw a dart and missed the target. His eyes fixed on the dart, dazed. “You think I’m losing my reflexes?” He asked, genuinely worried.

“I think alcohol does that to people.” Suggested Natasha from her spot on the couch. She was almost too close to Bruce. The doctor was slightly embarrassed. He was officially the only one sober in the room. 

“I have never had sex in my working hours!” exclaimed Jane suddenly, and with the nonexistent logic of drunken people, Tony, Darcy, Loki, Thor and Natasha skipped the fact that they hadn’t been playing for the last hour and downed their drinks. 

“Oh my God Darcy!” Jane pointed at her accusingly, “Explain!”

Darcy blushed but raised her chin defiantly.

“I don’t have to!”

“You were a virgin not a year ago and now you’ve had sex during working hours?” Jane questioned disbelievingly.

“A distraction like any other, darling.” Loki answered smoothly, ignoring the shove that followed from Darcy. “See?” He slurred to Clint and Tony. “I still got it, as you would say.”

Clint shook his head, laughing.

“Having sex during work is what you call mischief now?” Tony defied. “Vikings were more creative than you.”

“Don’t listen to them, Lokes.” Darcy climbed on his lap with clumsy movements. 

“Oh, no,please do continue” Loki said, his voice full of challenge. 

“SHOTS!” Screamed Darcy suddenly, attempting to distract the men.

“ I dare you to drink three glases of that special alcohol of yours in a row.” Declared Tony. “I will do the same with my beer.”

“Fine.”   
Thor, ever the helpful brother, filled the six glasses. They were big, deep and contained about a pint each. 

Of course, Loki won. For once, he didn’t care about spilling some ale on his shirt, and Darcy was actually staring at him in awe. 

“That was very impressive, Loki.” She said, her eyes stopping at the sight of his tongue darting out to lick his lips. 

“I am very impressive.” He corrected, feeling lightheaded and pleasantly aware of the warmth of Darcy’s body. 

“Let’s play truth or dare!” Suggested Jane, who now looked flustered and disheveled. Darcy looked just in time to see Thor quickly withdrawing his hands from her ass and winced. 

“Fine.” Accepted Tony, and then his eyes darted to Darcy. “Truth or Dare, Belle?” 

“Ugh. Dare.” She said without thinking. 

“A shot of Nat’s vodka!” He exclaimed happily.

“But dude! Vodka and beer are terrible together!” Darcy, tipsy at most, tried to reason. 

“No way you are escaping this, young padawan.”

“You nickname doesn’t make any sense.” She pouted.

“Shot or I’ll take you to fly in my suit.” Tony beamed and Darcy remembered her fear of heights.

“Fine”, she huffed. 

Almost three months ago, Tony had discovered a secret stash of the most expensive russian vodka in the kitchen. The Black Widow had punched him -just a bit- and then agreed to share it when they had one of their off nights. That proved to be a mistake: no one could hold their alcohol anymore after a sip of Nat’s vodka, with the exception of Steve and herself. 

The shot burned her tongue, the entirety of her pharynx and her stomach as well. 

“Oh, fuck. I knew I shouldn’t have given it another try.” Darcy mumbled, her face scrunching up in distaste. The vodka sat hot in her stomach, making her cheeks blush a deep red. Loki’s long fingers caressed swirling patterns across her shoulders. 

“GOOD ONE! Now, you, Death Star.” Tony pointed at Jane and the scientist scowled.

“I’m nothing like any of the characters in Star Wars! You know that I hate that franchise.” 

“Really? I always thought you were very similar to Padme. You’d make a great Padme, now that I think about it.” Intervened Clint.

“Padme or not, you have to pick: truth or dare?” Tony raised an eyebrow.

“Fiiine. Truth.” 

“What does Thor call you in the bedroom?” 

At that, everyone made disgusted faces.

“Really, no one needs to know that.” Said Bruce, shaking his head. 

“I do.” Tony snickered, delighted at everyone’s discomfort.

“If she says ‘my lightning maiden’, I am going to throw up and you should suggest Jane to finish her relationship with my brother.” Loki whispered against Darcy’s ear.

“Why?” Asked Darcy, pecking him on the lips. Loki closed his eyes briefly, feeling their softness.

“That’s what he called all the girls in Asgard he slept with.” Murmured Loki, a conniving hint of joy in his voice. Darcy had to stifle a laugh. 

“I’m sorry, what? I couldn’t hear that”, Tony was obviously enjoying his power over her. 

Jane sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Fierce Valkyrie.” She said, almost too low for everyone to hear. Darcy was trembling with laughter, her face buried in Loki’s chest while he smiled wolfishly. 

“Oh my God. I really didn’t need to know that.” Barton took another sip of wine and closed his eyes in resignation.

“It is a compliment to her… abilities!” Exclaimed Thor and Jane elbowed him as hard as she could. 

“My turn” Jane said, and Tony flinched. Apparently, he hadn’t think of the consequences of his actions. 

But surprisingly, Jane didn’t even register the millionaire in front of her. Instead, her eyes darted to Loki and narrowed. 

“Truth or dare?” She asked, and her words hung in the air, heavy and defying.

Loki stared right at her.

He was about to say truth, about to prove her that he could actually face the truth sometimes. 

“If you choose truth right now we’ll all know that Darcy has definitely tamed you.” interjected Tony in  a sing song tone.

“Dare.” Loki said. 

“I dare you to go to the zoo and bring something back with you.” Stark beamed triumphantly, and Clint whistled. 

“Hey! I get to pick a dare!” Jane complained.

“Oh no, he was totally answering me. So I pick a dare.”

“Consider it done.” Answered Loki. Darcy sighed and got up. 

“I’m going to bed.” She drawled. Swaying slightly on her spot, she threw a pointed glance at Natasha. “Your vodka is terrible.”

She gave a  general wave and left the room. 

“How exactly are you planning on getting into the zoo?” Asked Clint, mildly interested.

“I have my ways.” 

And with that, he left the room in the direction of his and Darcy’s apartment, Sirius following behind.

Not surprisingly, Darcy was there, curled on the couch. His mind now a little more clouded by alcohol, Loki smiled.

“I thought you were already in bed, my darling.” He said sitting down next to her. Automatically, Darcy leaned on his side.

“You give way too much importance to what Tony says.” She said in a whisper.

“I do not!” He countered, surprised that she could think something like that about him.

“You don’t? So, are you not going to go to the zoo?” Darcy asked, the ghost of a smile in her voice.

“I…” Loki hesitated. “I have to go.” He finished lamely. 

Darcy sighed again. 

“Well then. I am going with you.” She affirmed, getting to her feet. 

Loki shook his head.

“You’re inebriated, Darcy.”

“So are you. Either we go together or we don’t go at all, but you have to decide right now.”

He raised a mocking eyebrow at her statement.

“How exactly are you planning to stop me?”

She straddled him without a moment of hesitation.

Loki inhaled sharply, marveled at the sight in front of him: his Darcy, flushed and soft and so close, sitting astride him with such abandon...he still couldn’t help to think that she shouldn’t act so carelessly towards him. They had only been together for a year. Twelve months. 

But she did. Darcy trusted him with everything, and he was dumbstruck. He was never bored when she was around, never  felt the need to hide himself. 

Loki’s thoughts were cut short when she kissed him. Her long hair tickled his neck, her chest was pressed against his, and the little noises she was making were driving him crazy.

“Is it working?” She gasped lowly when he lifted his hips towards her center.

“Very much so…” His hands skidded under her handwoven purple sweater. Her skin was so creamy, so soft...so inviting. His fingertips grazed her chest, following the shape of her breasts, pressing on her nipples, feeling her.  She tangled her fingers into his hair, grinding against him in a delicious manner. Loki nibbled the skin on her neck.

Darcy’s lips caught his, and there was passion and need on that kiss. 

“Let me go with you to the zoo”, she murmured, delighted to hear his breathing loose tempo. 

He wanted to be coherent, to give her  a complicated answer, to persuade her, but her hand was inside his trousers. It was completely unfair, but he couldn’t resist it. 

“Alright.” He admitted defeat with a sigh. 

But when she tried to wriggle away from him,  Loki grabbed her firmly by the waist and finished what she had started.

It was fast, hard and done in ten minutes.

The shower afterwards took twenty, because they were both still pretty drunk and he had to constantly remind himself that they had to eventually get to the zoo, so he couldn’t actually get a “round two”, as Darcy would call it. Yet. 

“So, ” She asked while drying her hair with a towel, “which zoo are we going to raid?” 

Loki stood there, pants half up and black shirt in hand. 

“What do you mean, woman?” He said.

Darcy rolled her eyes, smirking slyly.

“See? You need me for this. You are lucky I have protested against every zoo in this city” He didn’t understand, but she went on. “You have a total of five zoos in New York: the one in the Bronx, the Prospect Park zoo, Queens zoo, Staten Island Zoo and Central Park zoo.” She listed. 

Loki stared at her for a moment, a blank expression in his eyes at first, quickly replaced by the usual sparkling mischief.

“Which one is the one you hate the most?” 

Darcy took a moment to think.

“Central Park Zoo. I can’t stand it. Plus, it’s the nearest one.” 

“Very well then. Central Park it is.” Loki finished dressing and without warning, hoisted Darcy over his shoulders and disappeared. 

“Fuck, Loki! How many times do I have to tell you that having been worshipped by vikings doesn’t mean having their manners?” Darcy whined and stood up on shaky legs. “I am dizzy as fuck…” She swayed forward and Loki held her against him.

“I’m sorry, my darling.” His hands started to wander. 

“Stop, Loki. We have important matters at hand.” She said, half-giggling and half serious.

“I’d rather you’d have other things in your hand..” 

“Yeah, but what would Tony say?” She whispered, and Loki focused.

“True. We shall find a suitable souvenir then.”

But when Darcy went to the souvenir store, Loki stopped her. 

Realization dawned on her suddenly, like a bucket full of cold water.

“You...you...intend to steal an  _ animal _ from this place?” She said, voice shaking in disbelief.

Loki smiled his signature wolfish smile and shrugged. 

There was one moment of silence, and then…

“Ow! Woman! Stop! By the Norns!...” Darcy had lurched forward and started punching him.

“You...stupid....alien...viking...ass!” She exclaimed, punching him in between words. Loki quickly recovered and grabbed both her fists.

“What is with you tonight? First, you seduce me, now you try to beat me to pulp right here?” 

Loki was at a loss. 

“You CAN’T TAKE ANIMALS FROM THE ZOO! THEY ARE GOING TO SUFFER!”

Then he realized. All the alcohol still running through his veins had interfered with his usual acute perception of others. 

“Are you… a nature activist?” He asked carefully. She could be one, he had never asked himself about it. Darcy was panting, her arms raised above her head and held in place by one of Loki’s hands. She was quite alluring, but Loki knew she would not welcome his advances right there.

“I am NOT a nature activist! I just happen to hate people who don’t care for the nature! A few years ago, this was the only planet we knew we could be in!” Tears were running down her cheeks, and Loki was suddenly not so sure about this plan. He carefully released her arms.

“I didn’t think, Darcy.” He said simply.

“You wouldn’t, would you?” She was angry now. “Why would you think about the poor stupid mortal animals on this wretched planet?” 

“No, I didn’t mean that.” He clarified. “Listen to me.”

Darcy refused to look at him, crossing her arms. 

“Please.” He added after a moment, his pride suffering. But she did this to him. She had that power over him, and he sometimes wanted to run away, but other times knew she would never betray him. Maybe it was horribly twisted to say it, but sometimes, looking into her eyes, he remembered Frigga. There was something about Frigga that always centered him, and his Darcy had that same quality, among many others. 

“Okay. I get it. Okay. Gosh, the alcohol. But we can’t actually steal an animal from here. As much as I hate zoos, they are better than the Avengers Tower. I’m sorry for yelling at you.” She said, and there was another difference between them: she was never afraid to say sorry, but only if she knew she had done something wrong. Saying sorry, for him, was a lot harder.

“It is fine. What do we do then? A souvenir would not exactly prove my point.” He said, quickly changing topics.

“What is exactly your point?” She asked.

“I am the god of Mischief and Lies. Nobody should ever forget that. If you challenge me, you will be in trouble.”

She snorted at his serious face.

“Okay, okay. If you are the god of mischief and lies, why don’t you…

Her words were so clever that he could only kiss her when she was finished talking.

* * *

 

“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!??” Someone screeched.

Darcy groaned, pressing herself further into Loki’s embrace. The hangover was strong already, and she vaguely lamented not having a glass of water nearby. 

“Tell him to shut the hell up if he values his life.” She whispered into Loki’s chest. 

“Darcy is going to  taze you.” Loki said, not even caring to open his eyes. 

“I will worry about it when YOU EXPLAIN WHY THE HELL MY PLAYROOM IS FULL OF SNAKES!!!” Tony was in their room loosing it, and quickly so. 

Darcy opened one eye and turned her head towards his voice. 

“I have a bad hangover and you are not helping.”

“I HAVE SNAKES IN MY PLAYROOM AND YOUR BOYFRIEND PUT THEM THERE!” 

Darcy shrugged.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have challenged him. And besides, those are not real snakes. Only souvenirs.”

“Tell that to Clint! One of those horrible things tried to bite him!” 

Loki sighed and disentangled himself from Darcy. Noticing he was naked under the sheets, he quickly conjured loose pants. Some parts of the night were a blurry, but he definitely remembered the passionate moments after the visit to the zoo was done and the prank finished.

“Very well. I will see that  the problem is solved.”

Despite himself, Tony chuckled. 

“You really are a little shit, aren’t you?” He asked, unable to hide his admiration. “It was a good one, but I want the snakes gone by the time Pepper arrives from Europe.”

“I only am a little shit when defied.” Loki smirked and followed Tony out of the room.

The room that they were in last night was a complete disaster. Loki didn’t remember having conjured all those snakes, but they were everywhere. On the couch, the pool table, between the drinks at the minibar, on the chairs and tables, hanging from the lamps and crawling on the floor. And they varied sizes as well. Loki was impressed with himself and Darcy. They really were trouble together. 

“Any of these you want to keep?” He said mildly. “They are quite realistic, if I say so myself, and besides they do not need food or anything.”

Tony roamed his eyes over the room.

“I like that black one with red eyes.” He pointed at a medium size snake, with a narrow but powerful body. “Pepper is going to hate it, but I’m planning on naming it Nagini. She’s a big Harry Potter fan, ya know? You wouldn’t expect that from her, but…”

Loki waved his fingers in a sweeping motion and the snakes became the original souvenirs: stuffed animals, colorful pictures, t-shirts with stupid phrases on them, and a lot of plastic snakes. 

“That was...impressive.” Tony conceded. “But did you steal these?” 

“I know. And actually, Darcy left a note and some money?” Loki said uncertainly.He was busy carrying a gigantic plastic bag full of souvenirs while she did that.

“But you know you have started a war, right?” Loki scoffed at Tony’s words. 

“You mortals are no match for my powers. I am the God of Mischief!” He said proudly.

Tony shook his head, smiling, and went to grab the black snake. 

“I must have a glass box around here…” 

Loki, in no way compelled to tidy the place and ready to go back to bed, to Darcy, shook his head and left the room.

He was just about getting into the apartment when a noise behind him caught his attention. 

He turned around just in time to see a bucket of something dark and slimy being thrown to him. 

The fluid hit his face first, and then slid wetly down his body. It smelled awful. 

“Ohhhhh SNAP!” Yelled Barton. 

“I told you!” Yelled Tony from the other room. 

War had started. Loki smirked at the thought.


End file.
